I decided to blog because it all wanted to come out. I know it’s time my story is read and I hope one of you will align with it in some way. Back when I was 17 I moved countries having never really been somewhere other than my country town. I didn’t really know what to expect but I took the plunge and permanently moved away from home. Shortly after a series of events triggered an internal change that would change my life forever. It wasn’t long until a disassociation from reality took place within me. People started to walk away, I didn’t feel I could talk anymore. My ideas would disappear mid-sentence which created a deep-seated feeling of insecurity. I didn’t want to trust anybody, I began to see through the evil in people and how prompt they are when they can take advantage of anyone. This pushed me away from the world and I sat back to observe and learn what causes humans to be programmed and how conditioned they are in the ideas that they’ve harboured for generations. This was the awareness I began to develop by simply observing and seeing their evil in me. I could not understand what had made them so, I was like a child in its prime innocence who deeply observes everything. I then tried religion to counteract this feelings looking for some bigger connection to happen. I must admit, the mind gets entertained once it takes on something new. It’s like a child that touches a new toy and wants to explore it all until it gets bored of it. This was religion to me, a journey that was confined into a cycle of prayer and self-observation that never ends. That didn’t fulfil me and new doors opened up for me to explore the waters in other religions. I never converted to them but I was able to get a grasp of their principles. I learned many things that Catholicism didn’t teach. What’s more, I always felt empowered once a new teaching changed my perception of life.
Not long after the phase of dogmatic exploration I started my own journey by tuning into my intuition. This connected me to what would become the most exciting journey I have ever embarked. Up until this point I was never taught about my own emotions and the language they speak if we are aware. Instead I suppressed all of my feelings leaving them unexplored and pushed them away. I felt empty and frozen. Years later I found out the meaning of our emotional system by listening to the teachings of Abraham Hicks; this helped me retune back to my self and block out the outside noise i.e. parents, society, etc. I never felt more empowered to make my own decisions knowing that my emotions were showing leading towards the true north to finding my purpose. I’ve felt alone for a long time and because of an inner need to want to be with someone in a relationship but little did I know that I had to learn to be with myself before bringing someone into my life. The feeling of emptiness is always there and it gets filled only when I tune into the things that fulfil me. My passions are my emotional nourishment and I’ve made it a habit to connect with them.
